I want my ex back, but it's hard to get distance (we live in the house we bought). Help!?

We've been dating for over 5 years and we talked about marriage and kids. He kept a "friendship" with another girl secret (so I'm mad) and I went into his email and voicemail to get evidence (so he's mad). I even called her and changed the locks, which really pissed him off. The problem is, I still want him back. I want to work things out honestly and move forward. He says he still cares about me and kisses and hugs me goodbye in the morning. I don't want to wait forever, but I want to make things work. I try to keep my distance and not argue with him. He says he needs time to cool off before he talks. He says the relationship is "tainted" and will never be the same. But he hasn't said it's hopeless. I don't want to throw away 5 years of a relationship. Help!